Monday, September 10, 2018

I'm fine

I can honestly say this has to be my most used phrase and answer to everything. 

How you feeling? I'm fine
Do you want a biscuit with your tea? No thanks, I'm fine
Fancy coming out with the girls? Thanks for asking but no I'm fine at home.

My step dad banned the phrase "I'm fine" and "whatever "  from the house and at that time I really was fine. Now this just rolls off the tongue without even thinking. I don't ever need an answer beacuae I'm fine is there ready to be used.

In reality I'm not fine....I'm far from it!

I speak to my mum every day usually more than once or twice, and she knows my I'm fine from the I'm fine, I don't know how she knows but she does. I wish I knew the difference because to me I'm fine. 

I'm starting to understand that I'm not actually fine and it's ok not to be fine all of the time. I know that I am not a failure and that is ok to ask for help and accept the fact that I am not fine.

At the moment I have many changes in my life and I'm fine is being used an awful lot to everyone....I'm not fine. My baby boy is starting big school, we have moved to a new area and do not know anyone or anywhere, my son is having a tough time and under paediatrics, I am trying to arrange my divorce and I have my own mental health playing games with me. So I'm really not fine. But now I know how to reach out and ask and accept help, when my little man starts school many things will change but he will be settled and we will meet knew people. I will get to baby groups with my daughter. I will help my son to feel better and learn how to help him. I will keep accepting help from health visitors, school and the childrens centre I know they want to help and not judge me and my family. I will accept help from my mum. I have one or two friends who really know me and accept that I will push them away but they understand me so I will make more effort. 

I will also make time for me even if it is ten minutes a day to sit and enjoy a coffee or listen to some music. I will get past fine.

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